The Journey Start here

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

So little time yet so much things to do. I really wonder how can i cope with every single things. No matter that, i shall not surrender when i've not fight fully in this battle. For I shall remain in silence and continue striving harder as it gets.

I've went through alot this past year. It taught me from the beginning and though I gave up at the end of the journey. I sat and ponder. It was really a painful journey for me, to listen, hear and keep it all to myself. When things like that happen, i was startled, amazed, dissapointed and lastly i felt clueless. From this sentence, people can make alot of judgement. Somehow, i feel that it is safer being in a smaller circle of friends. I know alot of them, i talk, laugh and joke around. One thing for sure, i did not share my thoughts, my feelings or whatever things that I see through my own opinion. Not that I choose not to, through experience, and security purposes, i think thats the best move. Tell me i am a coward, self-centered, judgemental and the list can just goes on. Have you ever thought of really being in my own shoes and think what i am thinking, decide what is needed at the moment of time. We work differently from others and that I should respect. Somehow I am always left unanswered, clueless or maybe its just me.

i begin to think and ponder to every single aspect.

i dont need an answer or symphaty from any readers.

because, my self-esteem is not even getting any better.
its like a nightmare, playing around in my dreams..

she told the story ... 18:38

Saturday, May 23, 2009

i think i make a mess in my life...
a big big mess which i cant describes...

currently in the library alone... all alone by myself...
decided to went out although its getting late..
not much nag from ibu...
got lappy from bro...
and i got hook with physcology book lately...
and read and read and read...
not all book that attracts me some of dem get me hang of it...
am i really into this??
ouh my...
let times tell us...

some updates...
i dunnoe what im trying to do in this life...
just i need to hang on it...
be more patient insyaallah will overcome everything soon...
hope that soon...

kae2 got to go back to work as i need to complete some typing...

she told the story ... 18:16

Thursday, May 21, 2009

are all guys desperate??

thats make mw thinking haha..
not going to explain to detail...
let it be a secret...
jeng jeng jeng....

she told the story ... 00:20

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

been days not update...

alhamdulilah i was call for an interview...
shouldnt go more as i dunnoe weather im selected or not khehe...

life have been difficult i think since last post...
as usual ups and down...

but am happy that i still had my love ones by my side...
mum, dad, miss J, misseazie

i dunnoe wats in my mind rite now.. lots of thinks have been thinking and misseazie realise that ive been daydreaming alot lately... *she realise yest when i was out with her*
ntahlah byk sangat perkara aku fikir...

klah think thats for now... let me be for who i am...
and i really wish.. dat i could start a new life with a new me and run away from those people...
time to independent....

she told the story ... 11:02

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

hey yeah.. ive starting mia.. coz now its like to many things to blog.. haha...

kae nothing much to update...

just dat... ive topple my life....

haiz... just wait and see lah...

im tired and exhausted of everything aready... haha

dats all for now...

think so haha...

wanna sleep!! tired aready lor!!!

muahaha

she told the story ... 23:28

Sunday, May 10, 2009

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!
to all mothers out there...
and also to my granny who is currently not in singapore...
also to my mother!!!
shes the great bestfren of mine!!...
im happy to have her and to share everything with her...

yeah..
we had early celebration dat is on friday...

here are some of the pics dat i took...

she told the story ... 12:56

Thursday, May 7, 2009

its been hard to make decision in 2 weeks time...

i noe it was too sudden...

but i have no choice but to make decision...

im sorie....

its hard for me to let u go...

but its hurt to hold on you...

and it makes me heart broken...

hope i will get rid over...

still can we be friends??

i noe dat wont be possble but its my fault...

she told the story ... 20:23

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

why i feel so sad of sudden???
sad because im happy
or sad because dat i just throw him like dat??
but watever happen....
new chapter of life....

yeah im starting a new chapter of life...
everything new of me...
and i dunnoe till when this can lead...
hope it is forever....
not to worry i still have the love ones ard me....

yeah... aqilah a strong will person....
it wont let me down watever happen....
yeah...
in few days time insyaallah all will recover...
insyaallah...

she told the story ... 11:09

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

its hurt to let go someone who u use to love them before...

before its continue hurting you better you walk out of the life rather then stay to make u more hurt...

after telling the truth.. its like finally...

but i feel the hurt...

the hurts which i cant figure out...

but to let your love ones go will make u free...

free from hurting yourself...

free from everything...

but its not going to feel easy as u have to hear which people will criticise you...

but not much worry.. one day... they will shut their mouth once they are tired...

and im tired of holding into something which it is sharp and keep bleeding...

not to hurt me further... i have to let it go...

and not because of anybody but dis is my decision...

and have some respect for the elders...

mom noes me the best..

the best for your future...

the best in me...

and dun ever say "dat is your mum"

and dat show dats u dun have respect for her....

syurga terletak di tapak kaki ibu...

and im obeying her....

i still have respect for her...

nothing u do now will gain her trust anymore....

even how u going to redeem it....

u use to close with them...

they noe nothing about what u said to me..

till one day the truth reveal...

and also...

somebody come to ask abt me...

in less then two years...

im sorie i just cant go on further...

hope u will respect my decision...

lets go seperate ways....

i noe we did promise...

but after considering what u have told me off makes me think about my future...

now u tell me all those words..

wat if one day we are married... easily u told me off...

is it fair for me??

or am i being tooo soft hearted??

another thing about u is...

entahlah...

i shouldnt say it... coz its disrespect...

but no matter what...

i use to love you but my feeling fade away which explain now i have to let it go....

ill promise to pay you back what i owe u...

whatever happen hope we still can be friends...

she told the story ... 13:14

tell u something.. everyone who is around me when i let dem listen to CUBA for the first time addict sia... like me... hahahaha.....

just waiting for the right time....

once out will be the decision day....

she told the story ... 01:13